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Submitted on
October 19, 2013
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698 KB
Mature Content


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(Contains: nudity)
After a long break, I thought I'd try a more ambitious project. This is 2 1/2 pages of it, and is **work in progress**. Consistency could certainly be improved...

I don't know how to do comics - It's pretty much the first time I try to tell a long story like this, so I would be curious to hear about what does not work. E.g. does the action move from frame to frame? Is it too boring already? :)
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bornirie Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Perfect as it is.
AzaleaJones Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
tuxsuti Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I acually really liked this comic. There is a lot of depth in the frames and it begs for more story to follow. Keep it up.
NunoWho Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013  Student General Artist
You'r going in the right way! Mixing the action scenes like one, good visual narration overall! keep it up!!
stev0supreemo Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013
Should I be reading into the presence of two panels with the same hand? I mean, in terms of getting a sense of the scene, I don't feel like two is necessary, unless you really wanted to emphasize the hands for some other purpose.

Page 2, panel 1: He looks much younger and thinner than I think he's supposed to be.

Some of the sequences don't fit together completely. I felt a bit isolated by some of them at times (maybe you wanted to achieve that); it pulled me from a smooth narrative flow.

And this is just me but I would have liked seeing a close up depiction of him counting the money with his ring clearly visible. I think that would have said a lot (and maybe it would have been a more efficient way of presenting the narrative).

 Besides those critiques, this is really really good stuff! You're better than most amateur artists that I see at comic book conventions (and it's your first attempt!). I really like the idea, I really felt like I understood that man at the end of page 2 (which is a disturbing feeling). Well done, dude!
Franky-spade Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013  Professional General Artist
Great !! :)
SineSquared Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013
This is really interesting!  Each frame has its own purpose, giving its own clue to the story.  Like a curtain lifting slowly and you can almost see the title screen underneath, but aren't quite sure what it says yet.  The lack of dialogue makes the reader look very closely at the art and the composition to catch what's happening in the silences.  Wonderful!
ivory-phills Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2013  Student General Artist
Wow, this is fantastic! This would make an amazing comic! :D
TheUnderageAssassin Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
Easy to read and very well done for someone who doesn't do comics! The actions move very well, and it's intriguing!
vitadacani Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2013
I think this work is very well done
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