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I don't know how to do comics - It's pretty much the first time I try to tell a long story like this, so I would be curious to hear about what does not work. E.g. does the action move from frame to frame? Is it too boring already?
I know this is an older piece of yours, and it's been maybe four years since your wrote "I don't know how to do comics". But first of all, you have so many excellent artworks here that it's hard to "favorite" any one.
Secondly, this piece is very exemplary of most of your work in that it's psychologically and emotionally evocative. True, much of that is somewhat-to-very disturbing; and that indicates to me you have at least a intuitive sense of the dark side of human existence. Please let me know if you disagree. At any rate, much of your work resonates with me.
As to this particular composition, your use of color and shadow really evokes a psychological mood of sadness, depression and self-loathing that I think is very typical of men in this social paradigm in many ways. I personally like addressing this phenomena in my own artwork, not simply "the dark side", but how to escape it, overcome it.
I've only in recent times begun to rigorously study the "mechanics" or craft if-you-will of how comics are written and drawn. I've read some critiques of your work below as a comic or sequential art, but I won't agree or disagree with what they might say on technical grounds. I just believe that from the psychological and emotional standpoint, this art of yours works. Does it convey psychological or existential truth? That for me is the most important and first criteria of art.
Lastly, whatever this particular piece's merits as a comic, and whatever art came sequentially before or after, I think it stands alone as a work of art.
1) Page 1, last frame: It seems like the proportion of her shoulder and arm is a bit off, but I'm not quite sure why. Perhaps ask a friend to model that position to see what's not right?
2) The frame on page 1 where he is gripping her breast: I think a more natural grab, which would still be rough, would be to try to cup as much of the breast in his fingers as possible. Ths position made me think of trying to manually express milk (chalk that up to having been a breastfeeding mom!).
3) You mentioned English being an issue. Most of this is perfect. You might consider having her say, "You were rough WITH me, sweetheart," instead of "to me."
4) I actually loved the color usage throughout. The vivid orange for the beginning, fading into a color that is rustier, giving the impression of exhaustion, misery, unhappiness, and gradually fading out into a comparably colorless night. Gorgeously done.
5) I really, really liked the details of their anatomy. Nice work on the hands and foot, especially. And the curves and lines of poor Marge's body were so realistic, and mirrored that sense of exhaustion and defeat.
6) I hope you'll post more of this. I'm quite curious to see where it goes. Great work so far!
Just my random critique/take on things:
1. Does he remove the wedding band before, and then put it back on? If so, I think you should show that scene (putting it back on) instead of the static glance; it would have more impact than just looking at the ring. If not, then it's missing in some of the first scenes.
2. The hand in the fifth panel also looks slightly different from all of the other hands. I think it's because you added "veining" on the previous panels, and the last one looks smoother by comparison.
3. The woman's body language shift between the panel 6 and panel 8 seems a bit strange as well. She goes from being relaxed and loose, to suddenly laying stiff as a board. I think this is because of the way her arm is positioned. Why not put her arm laying across her abdomen? Some people just do it naturally when laying prone, or it could be used to convey a sense of vulnerability. We tend to pull our body parts into ourselves when we're feeling weak or doubtful, etc. But as is, it just looks very stiff and somewhat unnatural in contrast to the previous panels.
Also, I just lay down on my bed to check, and the narrowing of her arm for the wrist is a little early. When I was laying down my wrist was below my hip (more like groin level-ish). I think this shortening of the arm also contributes to the odd feeling of the positioning/body.
4. I'm also not so sure about the "Well..." because I feel like some kind of shrug (not sure how you'd draw that) or maybe a non-commital grunt-like sound would make more sense? I just feel like "Well..." leads to something else, if not dialogue then a shrug, as if one cannot think of a proper response.
5. "No towel, Marge" was also a little weird. I'm not sure the feeling you're trying to convey here. Casualness? Then maybe "Need towels, Marge." Scorn/disdain? He'd need "angrier" body language. Otherwise, what is he trying to say/convey?
6. I know you already mentioned consistency, but I'm going to point out a few little things. The stuff under the bed changed slightly (panel 6 - panel 15). What is that white sheet-like thing in the foreground in panel 6? If it's his shirt, it seems kind of big relative to the size of the bed. If it's not, then it's missing in panel 15. Is the red panel to the right of the man's head (panel 15) supposed to be the door? If so, it's on the wrong side based on the following panels (opens inward, handle on right, hinges on left). If not, what is it? Am I nitpicking? Yeah, kinda. Sorry, but I figured I'd point it out since we tend to miss things when we rely solely on self-edit.
As far as storyline, I don't find it boring. It leaves us with questions, which is a good thing because it captures and retains interest. From these 2 1/2 pages, you can ask: Who are these people? Do they have any connection beyond a paying john and a prostitute? Is she a prostitute at all? Or does he just feel guilty about having a mistress and pays her off? Does she have lingering regrets about being a prostitute or a mistress? What is she thinking about (panel 8)? Why is he so rough with her? Is this a regular occurrence? Etc. etc.
So there's a definite sense of capturing interest, which is a plus. But you should also look at the audience you've cultivated already based on previous works. I'm not trying to be presumptive here, but the majority of your work seems to have a bit of a dark or surreal feel to it. This comic may seem odd to some of your followers, and it may fail to attract their interest as much or they may consider it boring because it doesn't have the same feel or taste to it. But that doesn't mean that it's uninteresting, only that you might need to find the right audience.
Also, I tend to write walls of text when prompted (if you count your casual, "tell me what works" as a prompt...). Sorry Although if you post more pages with the same prompt I'll probably end up doing it again, haha. Still, I hope I've at least given you something(s?) to think about!
I'll certainly try to fix some issues (e.g. the arm, the missing sheet -it's a bed sheet btw). Also, getting down natural dialog in English is not totally straightforward for me... one more thing to work on.
As a side note: I'm not going to be posting this whole thing here (I will probably upload it in a separate page somewhere, when and IF it's done). But the story does get quite dark and surreal later on, it just takes a while to build up.
This project may turn out to be too much work for a free-time thing - but being able to tell a story is an awesome power, and I want to learn...